


The Enemy of Morpheus

by SelenaTerna



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmare, Reliving worst nightmares, Romance, Self-Doubt, Severe emotional distress, Telepathy, references to chemical agents used to inflict psychological torture, references to traumatic events, trigger warning brief descriptions of domestic violence (non-explicit)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-04-14 22:30:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14145984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SelenaTerna/pseuds/SelenaTerna
Summary: Rose is trapped in a nightmare. When the Doctor tries to wake her, he finds this is no ordinary nightmare and desperate measures are called for.





	1. Helpless

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovelies! This fic is in response to an anonymous prompt I got on Tumblr a while ago for 'Nine x Rose, Break me, Nurse me'. This is chapter 1 of what I expect will be a two, possibly three part fic. However, the final chapter will be happy fluff :) If people like, I'll keep posting, so please let me know what you think!  
> Just as an FYI this fic talks about some distressing things (see the tags) in this chapter and the next one, so please read wisely. Nonny, I hope this is what you're after and that you all enjoy the fic!

Jack jolted awake as a chilling scream cut through the air, followed almost immediately by heavy footsteps pounding past the library. Jumping out of his chair, he pelted towards Rose’s room.

Finding the door flung open wide, he dashed inside- only to find the Doctor frozen beside Rose’s bed, sonic at the ready. And Rose…Rose was twisting and writhing in the sheets, face locked in terror, body contorting and her every scream so filled with fear that he shivered. 

“What the hell is wrong with her?” he demanded of the grim-faced Time Lord.

“Nightmare,” was all the response he got.

 _“Nightmare?_ What the hell kind of nightmare?”

“A bad one,” the Doctor growled, eyes fixed intently on the thrashing Rose.

“You _think_? Well, what are you waiting for?” Jack demanded. “Wake her up! Now!”

The Doctor turned and glared at Jack. “Oh, just wake her up, why didn’t I think of that?” 

Jack gulped and back away slightly, registering even in his panic that the Doctor wouldn’t be standing around if Rose could be woken up so easily. “Alright, alright! Obviously it’s not an ordinary nightmare and she’s not waking up. What the hell is it?”

The Doctor flicked grimly at his sonic. “I don’t know. Sonic isn’t picking up anything in her bloodstream, no foreign substances….wait.” The Time Lord  turned his intense, blue-eyed stare on Jack. “Did she eat anything on Bowema while I was gone? Drink anything? Did anyone touch her? Think!”

Thinking back frantically, Jack shook his head, wincing as another terror-filled scream rent the air. “No, no! I’m sure of it. No one so much as laid a hand on her, and she didn’t touch any of the food- she didn’t trust the locals. Not after what they tried to do to you.”

“Then how? She couldn’t have swallowed…” The Doctor’s eyes narrowed. “The Enemy of Morpheus.”

Jack stared. “The enemy of _who_?”

“The Enemy of Morpheus,” the Doctor growled. “She can’t have eaten anything, there’s nothin’ in her blood, but she _could_ have breathed something in and never known.”

“But you can’t find anything in her blood! You just said-”

The Doctor turned to him, eyes blazing. “I said I couldn’t find anything _now_ , Jack. The Enemy of Morpheus is a synthetic compound- an odourless, tasteless dust that burns through the body in two hours flat. The effects only start two appear in the mind four to six hours after that. It’s outlawed in every system in the galaxy,”

Jack was almost afraid to ask. “What…what does it do?”

The Doctor turned back to Rose, his jaw clenched. “It brings your worst nightmares to life.”

_“What?”_

“Induces an unnatural sleep and causes constant hallucinations, pulled from the victim’s own mind.” A muscle flickered in the Time Lord’s jaw. “Most people don’t survive it. When you’re locked in that kind of terror long enough, your heart can’t take it.”

 _“No!”_ Jack shouted, horrified at the thought. “There has to be something you can do!”

The Doctor swallowed. “I’m only guessin’, might even be somethin’ else, somethin' I haven't thought of. But if I'm right…I’ll have to go into her mind and fight it with her, try to bring her out.”

Jack stared. “You’d need to enter her mindscape and face whatever monsters she’s fighting in there?”

The Doctor nodded grimly, folding his arms. “It’s the only way. Natural born telepath, me, and Academy trained. I’m her best chance, only…”

“Only what?” Jack demanded. “You don’t think you can do it?”

“Course I can! Time Lord, me!" The Doctor managed to look indignant and outraged at the same time and at any other time, Jack would have laughed. "Only...only I’d have to go into her mind without her permission.” The Doctor seemed to be focusing somewhere very far away. “Not supposed to do that- it's the worst sort of violation.”

“This is different! It’s to save her life!” Jack protested. “It’s like medicine- Doctrine of Emergency, Doc! She’d never hold that against you.” He swallowed. “Besides, it’s either you or me. I’ve had some psychic training…”

The Doctor’s eyes snapped back to Jack, burning blue fire. “As if I’d let you mess about in her mind! You’d go bumblin’ in like a herd of bulls in a china shop! And you’d still be goin’ in without her permission!”

“Then _go!”_ Jack begged. “Please, go! Now!”

The Doctor inhaled. “Bring me the portable scanner from the infirmary. Need to check her brain activity before I go chargin’ in. If it’s this agent….we’ll know.”

“How?”

“Her brain will be lit up like a Christmas tree, and it’s only just getting started. She’s got one, maybe two hours, before the exhaustion starts to get dangerous. ” The Doctor glared at Jack. “So stop your chatterin’ and step on it!” 

Jack indignantly opened his mouth to say that _he_ hadn’t been the one standing around when, at that moment, another piercing scream came from the bed.

He ran.

 

 


	2. I'm Going In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor and Jack confirm what's wrong with Rose, and the Doctor goes in to save her. What he finds shocks him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my lovelies! Here we have the next chapter of this fic. It's a bit dark, and remember the trigger warnings on this fic, please. No explicit violence, but it's implied (although we only see a bit of that here). I hope you like it (or at least don't hate it!). I tried to keep it short, like the first chapter, instead of my usual essays.

“I guess that’s that, then.”

The Doctor scowled at the scan of Rose’s brain. Her brain was lit up enough that there couldn’t be any doubt.  “S’pose it is.”

Jack cleared his throat, looking meaningfully at the Doctor as Rose whimpered and thrashed behind them. “So you’re going in?”

“Obviously.” The Doctor glared, doing his best not to flinch at Rose’s screams. “Not about to let _you_ do it, am I?”

Jack exhaled. “Take it easy, Doc, I’m scared too.”

“‘m not _scared_.” The Doctor folded his arms, hiding his terror behind a scowl as Rose screamed again. “Can do mental excisions with one arm tied behind my back. Time Lord, me.” He swallowed. “Rose though… she might not forgive me for this.”

Rolling his eyes, Jack grabbed the Time Lord and tugged him towards the bed. “Rose wouldn’t hold a grudge against you if you put a blaster to her head. Now stop whining and and get in there and _fix_ it!”

“Watch it!” the Doctor growled, doing his best not to look at the thrashing Rose.

Jack fixed him with a look that would have sent him into fits any other time. _“Doc.”_

“Told you not to call me that,” he muttered. Flinching at another scream from Rose, however, he exhaled in defeat. “Alright.” Turning to Jack, he fixed him with an fierce stare. “You’re going to need to make sure that I don’t lose physical contact with Rose for any reason. I can usually maintain a telepathic connection without physical contact but right now….” He drew a deep breath. “It strengthens the connection and right now we need all the help we can get. Don’t let my hands drop for _any_ reason, got it?”

“Got it.” Jack nodded firmly. “I’ve got it Doc. I won't let your hand fall and I'll watch her vitals. You go and get our girl out.”

It was a measure of the Doctor’s worry that he didn’t even scowl at Jack for saying _‘our’_ girl.

Taking a deep breath, he turned to the screaming, thrashing form on the bed and sat gingerly on the edge, toeing off his boots. He gazed intently at her for a moment, before, unable to help himself, he stretched out a hand and tentatively cupped her cheek.

She screamed.

He recoiled, calling himself all kinds of fool for expecting her to recognise his touch when she was in a drug-induced terror. Taking a deep breath, he stretched out beside her and pulled her tightly into his arms, his hand firmly cupping her cheek.

Closing his eyes, he forced himself to ignore her cries, breathing deeply and probing gently at her rough shields with his mind. The last thing he wanted to do was add to the trauma she was already suffering and force his way in. Finally, after frantic precious minutes, he found the gap and slipped inside.

The last thing he heard was Jack muttering, “Drop hands? Chance’d be a fine thing.”

And then everything was black.

++++++++++

It was dead quiet.

That was the first thing he noticed. It was quiet and dark and close- a small room or even a closet, he guessed.

The room was also full of fear- Rose's fear- and it _seethed_  with a torrent of despair, panic and hopelessness that enraged him. 

How could this happen to _Rose's_  beautiful, human, mind, his light in the darkness? Who would dare to reduce Rose's mind to  _this_?

Hearing a shuffling close by, he blinked, trying to see in the almost total darkness. A sudden, muffled whimper made his hearts clench.

He knew that voice.

“Rose?”

“Who’s...who's there?” He’d _never_ heard her voice sound like that- scarcely more than a whisper, hopeless, forlorn and utterly defeated and his hearts sank. “How’d you get in here? The door was locked!”

“It’s me, Rose.” He gingerly made his way over to her, careful not to trip over in the dark. “An’ what d’you mean ‘what am I doin’ here?” He tried to inject a bit of levity into his tone. “Came for you, of course. What’ve I told you about wanderin’ off?”

“You…you did?” Why did she sound so surprised?

“Course I did,” he forced himself to joke. “Can’t go losin’ my favourite pink and yellow human, now, can I?” He shuddered. “It’d leave me alone with Harkness, for starters!”

She exhaled on a shuddery breath, “But….”

He frowned. “But what, Rose?”

“But I don’t know you,” she whispered. “Who are you?”

He reeled back against the wall, both hearts seizing with shock. “What? Rose, it’s me, it’s the Doctor!”

“No, no doctors!” Her tone was suddenly afraid, trembling. “Don’t need a doctor. It was an accident, I…I fell down the stairs. ‘m fine now.”

His stomach churned at what her words suggested because suddenly, he had a very good idea what had her so scared. Taking a deep breath, he forced down his panic and tried to remain calm. “Rose….” He croaked. Swallowing, he tried again. “Rose, it’s me. I’m the Doctor, and you…you know me.”

“I don’t need any doctors! It was an accident! Please, however you got in, you need to get out of ‘ere!”

“Rose-”

“Please,” she begged, whimpering. “You need get to out before he comes back! He’ll kill me if he finds you here! 'm not allowed to see anyone during my punishment!”

The Doctor closed his eyes against her words, knowing exactly where she was and who had frightened her, now. “Who, Rose? Who’s coming?”

She shuddered. _“Jimmy.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Come follow me on Tumblr at countessselena.tumblr.com!


	3. The Enemy Within

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose can't work out who the strange man the leather jacket is, or why he's so determined to free her. She doesn't know him.....or does she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely people. Soooo this is much longer coming than I would have expected, but here is the final chapter of this fic. There's just an epilogue of happy fluffy fluff to follow (which I'll post tomorrow). Trigger warnings for distressing references to violence and abuse (non-explicit, off-screen). The muse has been a bit stale lately, so I hope you don't hate this. Thanks to goingtothetardis for the quick read through.

Rose trembled against the wall, grateful for the darkness that hid her.

“Jimmy?” Leather creaked and the man seemed to be moving closer, making her feel as if he could somehow see through the darkness. “That’d be Jimmy Stone, then?”

“Y-yeah.” Rose gulped. “You know ‘im? Then you know you need to get out of here quick! He’ll kill you if he finds you here!”

“And what about you, Rose?” the man asked quietly.“What will he do to you?”

She froze, terrified at her almost slip. “N-nothin’. I swear, nothin’!”

“Rose-”

“No!” She panted, eyes wide with panic. “Please, you need to get out!”

He exhaled. “It’s not me I’m worried about right now.”

She stared at him in disbelief, trembling against the wall. “You don’t know what he’ll do to you! I don’t want you to get hurt.” She didn’t understand why the idea of this stranger being hurt was so painful to her; all she knew was that she couldn’t let him be hurt.

“Why, though, Rose?”

“Why what? Please-”

“Why don’t you want me to get hurt?” He cut her off, and she could feel his gaze on her in the darkness. “Why does it matter?”

“I…”she trailed off helplessly, swiping at her cheeks. “I dunno. I just don’t want you to get hurt an’ if he finds you here…” She trailed off, unable to bear the thought.

“Maybe,” he said in that beautiful Northern drawl of his, “it’s because part of you remembers.”

“Remembers what?” She didn’t understand.

“You know me.”

“No, I don’t, I-”

“Rose,” he cut in, his voice sending shivers down her spine in ways she didn’t quite understand. “You _know_ me. An’ I know you.”

“No-”

“You do,” he said firmly. “An’ I reckon your mind knows that, somewhere, but you’re too deep into this nightmare to recognise it.”

She shook her head in bewilderment. “I don’t….what d’you mean ?”

“This isn’t real, Rose,” he said.

She unconsciously clutched the arm Jimmy had broken earlier, throwing her into a wall. “I-“

“It’s not happenin’, you’re caught in a nightmare,” he continued. “An’ I can help you out but you have to trust me!”

Unable to help herself, she laughed hollowly. “Help me? I…I dunno who you are or what you want, but look at me.” She moved into the dim light she hadn’t noticed before, showing him the bruises and gashes, the burns Jimmy was so happy to inflict on her when he was in a rage. “He does what he wants and no one can stop him.” She swallowed. “No one cares enough to stop ‘im.”

“I can.” His eyes burned blue fire in the dim light. “And I do.”

She felt as though she should be afraid. But she wasn’t- not of him.

It was almost as if…

She swallowed and shook her head. Hope was dangerous, and this beautiful man, this stranger who felt…right, somehow, important…he couldn’t help her. No one could help her.

“I can help you, Rose” he broke in, as if he’d heard her thoughts. “I want to help you but you need to trust me!”

She clutched at her broken arm and leaned against the wall. “I can’t. You can’t. He’s comin’ soon and he’ll….”

As if on cue, heavy, staggering footsteps sounded down the corridor, coming closer, and she gasped. “He’s comin’!”

The footsteps grew louder.

“You need to go! Please, get out, however you got in! You need to go now!”

Blue eyes burned into her. “Not without you, Rose.”

“I-” She swallowed. “I’ll be alright. Once he calms down….” She trailed off, not able to voice the lie. Why was it so hard to lie to this man, to tell him she’d be alright? She couldn’t, and she couldn’t bear for him to be hurt. And Jimmy…. Jimmy was coming.

Heavy fistspounded on the door, and she jumped.

_“Rose!”_

“Please, go now!” She begged, her eyes filling. “Please, I’m beggin’ you!”

 _“Don’t.”_ The man’s voice was hoarse, strained. “Don’t you _ever_ beg, Rose.” He looked at her, intently. “ _You_ don’t beg- your wish is my command.”

She jolted at those words. Why did she feel as though she’d heard them before?

The pounding grew softer for a moment.

“I….” The room swam for a moment, blurring, and she clutched at her head with her good hand. Why did it hurt so much?

“Rose,” the man said urgently. _“Please.”_

She cowered against the wall, trembling.

“You know me,” he vowed. “You know me an’ I know you.”

“I don’t…”

“The Doctor!” he broke in desperately. “Silly old alien sod who made you pay for our first date, that’s me!” He waved maniacally, inching closer. “Bloke who blew up your job the first night we met.” He sidled closer and she jumped back. “Took you to Cardiff instead of Naples.”

“Rose!” The pounding on the door grew louder again. “You better not have moved from your corner.” The lock moved as Jimmy drunkenly fumbled with his key.

She whimpered, and the knob began to turn.

“Rose!” The man said hoarsely, long arm shooting out to hold the door closed. “Please, _think_ , Rose. Try to remember!”

Looking into his eyes, she almost felt as though she recognised him, and unnoticed by her, Jimmy suddenly fell silent and the door stopped moving.

“I…I feel like I know you, but…I can’t. How can I know you?” She blinked. “Wait, did you say _alien_?”

“Yeah.” The man sidled closer. “Is that alright?”

“I….yeah.” She shook her head in baffled panic. “Wait, this is mental! There’s no such thing as aliens.”

The door started to open again, Jimmy shouting from outside and the man pushed furiously at the door, almost managing to close it.

“Rose!” He pleaded, his eyes holding her fast. “You know me, you can feel it! I know you can! I can’t help you if you don’t trust me!”

She shook her head, pressing closer to the wall. “How do I know you? What am I to you that you’d risk your neck like this?”

He growled, pushing at the door until it closed. He leaned against it, his eyes burning. “I’d risk more than that for you, Rose.”

 _“Why?”_ She shouted, forgetting about Jimmy outside the door, forgetting about her fear. “What am I to you?”

Jimmy’s shouts grew quiet again.

“You really don’t know?” The man said quietly, intensely, moving slowly towards her. He reached out a hand, and this time, she didn’t move back. Instead, she gaped at him as he stood there, hand outstretched, and before she quite knew what she was doing, she lifted her good hand to his. He laced their fingers together.

 _“Everything,”_ he said quietly. “All that matters.”

As her fingers tightened in his, the room flickered slightly, and seemed, for a moment, to become a glowing room with soaring coral struts.

She gasped. “I…I know that room. That place! What is it?”

The man smiled at her with an intensity she didn’t understand. “Not just a London hopper, you know. Goes anywhere in the universe free of charge.”

She frowned in concentration, failing to notice that the room had changed back to the glowing coral warmth and Jimmy wasn’t there. “I…you’ve said that to me before.”

“Better with two,” he said, cupping her cheek and slowly, carefully, running his thumb over her broken skin. “Beautiful…for a human, and for anyone else.”

She shook her head, bewildered. “I don’t…I don’t understand. Why would you risk yourself like that for me?”

The room flickered back to the dark, dismal hole Jimmy had locked her in and the man stared intently at her. “No, don’t give into it, Rose! Fight it!”

“How?” She cried. “I don’t know how! I don’t even know if you’re real!” She took a shuddering breath as the door started to open again. “An’ if you’re not…then I’ll wake up an it’ll just start all over again an’ it’ll hurt worse than before.” She trembled. “Hope _hurts_.”

“I’m real,” the man vowed. “I’m here, and I can help. Just trust me.” He came closer, strain showing on his face. “You’re _my_ hope Rose.” Closer still. “I’m so glad I met you.”

And then he kissed her.

Softly, gently, yet it was enough to infuse her with his strength.

And something else.

She pulled back, her mind suddenly _awake_. _“Doctor?”_

“That’s me,” he tried to grin. “Hello!”

“I…how did you get here? And where are we?” She looked around. “It looks like the TARDIS, but it’s not.” She gaped suddenly- he’d kissed her!She covered her mouth with both hands, before looking at her arm and shook her head in confusion. “And my arm was broken but now it’s not. And Jimmy! How-”

“We’re in your mind,” he broke in. “You were trapped in here by a hallucinogenic powder. It conjures the worst sort of memories and traps you in them.”

“Oh.” She hung her head. “That’s why-”

He slipped a finger under her chin and forced her to look up. “You have nothing to feel ashamed about, Rose. _Nothing_ , understand?”

“But-”

“But nothin’! That powder is illegal in twelve galaxies for a reason- it dredges up the very worst a mind has to offer and fixes on it.” A muscle flickered in his jaw. “It’s dangerous. It causes constant terror until the heart gives in. You’ve been under for an hour at least, and we need to get you out. I’m barely keeping control of your mindscape as it is, and your heart is more strained than I’d like.”

“How?” She looked behind him, unable to meet his gaze after what he’d seen. “How do we get out? An’ how did you get in?”

“Telepath, me,” he reminded her. “As for gettin’ out…you need to let me take over your conscious mind, temporarily.”

“What?” She shook her head in bewilderment.

“I know you don’t like it, Rose, but there’s no other way. You need to let me get us out.”

“Doctor, s’not that. I…I trust you. ’S just….I don’t know how to do that.” She blinked back tears and a sudden wave of fear. “What if I can’t get out?”

The room flickered back to the dark, dank room she’d been trapped in, and the door ominously began to open again.

“Not going to happen,” the Doctor said fiercely, arm pushing the door closed. “I’m not leaving you here, you understand me, Rose? Don’t you give up on me now.”

She took a deep breath and focused on the Doctor, on her belief in him.

In _them_.

The room flickered back to the TARDIS console room.

“That’s it Rose,” he praised, his face tight with strain. She couldn’t even begin to understand the effort it was costing him to stabilise her mind enough for her to exert some control. Cupping her face again, he drew his face closer. “Now you just need to let me get us out.”

“How?” She asked again, quietly this time. “What do I do?”

He smiled gently as he came closer. “Just let me in.”

This time, she knew it was coming and even though it was all in her mind, it felt real. His lips upon hers, the man she’d loved for so long pressed against her, even if only to save her, and it was beautiful. Rose felt a sudden warmth and then her whole was being infused with what seemed to be a million thoughts. She was awed and terrified at the immensity of the Doctor’s mind, but he immediately soothed her, shunting his consciousness behind a barrier.

Rose had never felt so whole. He was in her mind and somehow she was in his, and he surrounded her, buffering her with his strength and his warmth.Slowly, her drew her out, walking her slowly back to consciousness, erasing the effects of the drug as he went, guiding her through horrors and nightmares on the way, until finally, they’d stopped.

“Ready to wake up?” He asked her. “It’s….you’ll hurt a bit. Body’s been through a bit, and you’re fragile, you humans.”

She nodded, terrified at what would happen when she woke up. Would he be angry? Awkward? Would he pretend he hadn’t kissed her?Well, she supposed technically he hadn’t kissed her- not really.But still- would he pretend none of it had happened? But then, maybe that would be better. Dear God, he had _seen_! He _knew_.

Would he take her home?

She shuddered at the thought, unable to bear the idea of leaving _him_ , leaving the TARDIS. He wouldn’t…would he? No matter what he thought of her now, he’d never make her leave, would he?

Her thoughts seemed to spur him into action, and he cupped her face. “Never.”

Feeling the truth of that statement, wrapped in his mind as she was, she relaxed slightly. “‘M holdin’ you to that.”

“You would.” He exhaled, giving her a strained smile. “We need to get out of here. We can talk about tallies and promises later, alright?”

She frowned. Why did he feel so anxious? He was the one who’d seen her shame after, all.

Seeming to remember that she could feel his emotions as easily as he felt hers, he swore. “You’ve nothing to be ashamed of, Rose. Don’t you even think it.” 

She shrugged, afraid to look in him the eye. He swore again. “Rose, we need to get out of here now. You ready to wake up?”

She nodded slowly, fears clawing at her mind. What could have him so worked up? And what would happen when they woke up?

With a strained smile and a last look, he pulled them out.

Rose opened her eyes to find a pair of blue eyes boring into her.

She swallowed. This was the moment of truth, then.

“Hello, Doctor,” she said hoarsely.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Come follow me on Tumblr at countessselena.tumblr.com


	4. Look at Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose and the Doctor deal with the fallout of their time in Rose's mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we have it, lovelies- the 'epilogue' (read: full chapter because I couldn't help myself and the characters weren't done, apparently). Sorry it's a day later than I promised, and sorry it's not quite the happy fluffy fluff I promised (although there is a bit of that at the end)- apparently the muse decided fluff was not going to happen with this fic, but it is a happy ending, I promise! I hope you all like it- or at least don't hate it! Unbetad.

“Sip it slowly, an’ not too much.”

Rose shifted, sitting up in the bed to sip at the cup the Doctor held to her lips.

“How’s that?” he asked gruffly, pulling away to drop the cup on a nearby table.

“Better,” she said hoarsely, her gaze fixed on the wall behind his head.

She couldn’t bear to meet his eyes.

The Doctor fiddled with one of the many machines attached to her, clipping an additional monitor to her finger, and seemingly doing his best to avoid meeting her gaze. “Good. That’s good.” Clearing his throat, he shuffled towards the door. “You’ll want to rest a bit- after everything.”

“Yeah,” she rasped, plucking at her blanket. “I might have a kip.”

“Good,” he said, leather jacket creaking as he folded his arms. “Good.”

She nodded, looking at the blanket, all the while screaming on the inside. Was this how it would be between them from now on? Stilted speech, dancing around each other pretending it was all fine, while the Doctor tried to hide his revulsion and she her shame?

He exhaled. “Right. I’ll leave you to it, then.” With that, he made for the door, boots thumping on the grating.

Sighing, Rose closed her eyes and tried to blink back the tears.

It took her a long time to fall asleep

++++

“Rosie?”

Her eyes shot open and she sat up so quickly she swayed, only for Jack to steady her.

“Whoa, take it easy, honey.” He propped a pillow behind her back and plonked himself on the edge of the bed. “How’s the head coming? You’ve been out for a few hours.”

She shrugged. “It’s gettin’ there,” she said softly, her voice less hoarse but still weak. “Better than before.”

He dropped a gentle kiss on her forehead. “I’m glad, sweetheart- you had us worried.”

Rose tried to smile. “‘M sorry.”

Jack rolled his eyes. “What are you apologising for? Nobody could have guessed those bastards would drug the damn air you were breathing.”

“Yeah.” She paused. “Is…has…is the Doctor…around?”

 _“Around?”_ Jack snorted. “Honey, he’s been hovering over you since you fell asleep- hasn’t left your side.”

Rose frowned. “But he-”

“He’s not here,” Jack finished for her, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, he slunk out when I came in.”

“Oh.”

“Well _that_ was a decidedly _triste_ little ‘oh’ _.”_

 _“_ I dunno what you mean.” Rose looked at her blanket.

“Riiiight,” Jack drawled. “Sure you don’t. And that long face you’re pulling and the sad little expression that just happens to match the Doc’s is just for show, right?”

“What’re you talkin’ about? What’s wrong with the Doctor?”

“Same thing that’s wrong with you, I expect.” He fixed her with a pointed look.

“What, he’s got a headache from before? Why didn’t he say anythin’?”

“No, not a headache! Come _on,_ Rosie, how deep in denial can you be _?”_

“Well, what then?” she demanded, tired and irritated at Jack’s prodding and wishing she could shout. Why couldn’t he leave things alone? Couldn’t he see she was barely keeping it together?

“He’s avoiding you because he thinks you’re angry at him!”

“He _what?”_ Rose frowned. _“_ Why would I be angry?” Shaking her head, she sank back into her pillow. “No, that’s not why he’s avoiding me- ’s ‘cause he can’t stand to look at me anymore. Not after … _that_.”

“What? Rose, that’s so far from the truth it’s in another damn galaxy!”

“It’s true, Jack! He saw and he knows and now he won’t even look me in the eye!” Rose sniffed, pushing back the tears. “You didn’t see his face, after.”

“Rosie-”

“No, Jack, don’t you see? Now he knows how pathetic and weak and _stupid_ I am.” Her jaw clenched with the effort of holding back her tears. “He knows what a stupid ape I really am, now.”

Jack narrowed his eyes. “Don’t you even _think_ that, Rose Tyler, or so help me I’ll tell Jackie!” When that failed to get even the smallest reaction from her, he nudged her. “Hey, come on, Rosie. Look, I don’t know what happened in there, I don’tknow what the Doc saw, but nothing you could ever tell me would convince me you’re weak or stupid or any of it.”

“You wouldn’t say that if you knew, Jack.” Rose buried her face in her hands, her head hurting as much as her heart. “No wonder he won’t look at me now.”

There was a sudden commotion near the door, and the mattress tipped slightly.

“Rose.”

She froze. That wasn’t Jack. Peeking up through her fingers, she saw that Jack had left the room entirely and the Doctor had taken his place on her bed.

She closed her eyes again, unable to face him.

“You really think I can’t bear to look at you? Seems like I’m _always_ lookin’ at you, Rose, one way or another.” the Doctor barked a laugh. “Even when I don’t want to.”

She cringed.

“Can’t help it, me, But you’re right, I really _saw_ you today.” A cool hand was suddenly on hers, gently prising it away from her face, making her look up. “An’ you know what I saw?”

She looked down, unable to bear what she knew he’d say.

“Courage.”

“W-what?” She croaked, head flying up. Was she hearing things?

His blue eyes were fixed intently on her. “To come through that, and come out the other side…that took guts, Rose. You kept fightin’.”

“But I let him-”

“He _hurt_ you,” the Doctor interrupted, a muscle clenching in his jaw. “That miserable coward manipulated you and he hurt you, and that’s _not_ your fault. That’s on him.”

She stared unable to believe what he was saying, what she was hearing.

“An’ even though he did his best to grind you into the dust, you kept fightin’, you held on. An’ now look at you Rose- defender of the downtrodden, they call you on Kilmas, did you know that?”

She shook her head mutely, unable to fathom what he was saying.

“You’re incredible, Rose Tyler- so much passion and stubbornness and strength packed into one tiny human.” He exhaled. “Nine hundred years and I’ve never met anyone like you.”

She managed to find her voice. Just. “I thought maybe because you saw-”

“Yes, I saw!! “Don’t you understand?” He breathed. “ I saw _you_ and you’re… _fantastic_.”

Rose couldn’t help but wonder what on earth he’d seen to make him sound like _that_. But that still didn’t explain why he hadn’t looked her in the eye since he’d brought her out.

“Then…then why were you avoidin’ me?” She couldn’t help but ask, not quite able to hide the tremble in her voice. “If you’re not… if it didn’t…put you off… then why wouldn’t you look at me?”

He dropped her hand and looked down at the blanket, a self-deprecating twist to his lips. “Thought maybe you might not want anything to do with me after what happened.”

“What?” She was gobsmacked.“Why? You saved my life! _”_

He looked up to meet her gaze, his blue eyes tortured. “I went into your mind, Rose, without askin’. That’s a violation of the worst kind.”

She frowned. “But you were helpin’ me! I mean, I could’ve died! Why d’you think I’d be angry about that?”

“Because I still went into your mind, violated your mind!”

“But you were savin’ my life, Doctor! ’S like an emergency operation, innit? If I’m unconscious and bleedin’ on the table, you’d operate wouldn’t you?”

He nodded warily.

“Even though I’m not awake to say ‘yes’?”

Another nod.

“Well, there you are then. This is the same thing.” She shook her head in bafflement. “Seriously, Doctor, that’s it? That’s why you’re actin’ all… _strange_?”

He exhaled, looking away for a moment. “No, it’s not just that, Rose.”

“Then _why_?” she demanded, all the while afraid of what his answer might be. “Why did you do that? Why make me think you can’t stand to be near me?”

“Why d’you think, Rose?” He exhaled. “I’d just gone into your mind without your consent and then I went and kissed you!”

A gasp came from outside the door.

They ignored it.

“Twice!”

The gasp became a squeal.

“Bugger off, Harkness!”

Rose ignored Jack’s muttering. “So, what, you regretted kissing me and backed off, is that it?”

It was the Doctor’s turn to look gobsmacked. “What?”

“I get it, you know- you big Time Lord, me stupid ape.” She looked away.

“Stop _saying_ that,” the Doctor growled, learning closer to her. “An’ what are you on about, regrettin’ it?’

“Well aren’t you?” she demanded. “Isn’t that why you backed off?”

“Of course not!”

“Well, why then?” She wasn’t going to cry. She _wasn’t_. “Why did you suddenly start acting like I’m some…some _stranger_?”

“Rose-”

“Why, Doctor?” She could help the slight break in her voice that time. “Just….tell me what I did!”

“You didn’t do anything!” He snapped.“Don’t you understand? You were _dying_ , Rose! You were being tortured to death and I broke into your mind without so much as a by-your-leave, took it over and kissed you while I was at it! I took advantage of you!” He rubbed a hand over his face and dropped his gaze, his momentary anger replaced with bone-weary resignation. “I practically forced you.”

Now it was her turn to be dumbfounded. _“What?”_

“I forced you, Rose. I took what you’d never give, if you’d had the choice.”

She stared at him. He couldn’t be saying what she thought he was…could he?

He exhaled heavily, staring determinedly at the wall behind her head. “Now d’you understand? It wasn’t you, _never_ you. I couldn’t face you, Rose.”

“I don’t understand,” she said, her voice trembling.

“What’s to understand?” the Doctor said bitterly. “I went into your mind and forced myself on you.”

Rose’s heart sped up until it felt as though her chest was humming.

He might….did he? Even after everything he’d seen?

“You didn’t force me,” she said softly.

The Doctor turned tortured blue eyes on her. “I did.”

She swallowed, as hope slowly built in her chest. Dared she take the risk? “No you didn’t.”

“Rose, you don’t have to-”

“Didn’t you notice I kissed you back?” She interrupted, voice trembling. “Both…both times?”

“Instinct,” he muttered, crossing his arms. “Normal biological reaction.”

“God, an’ Jack said _I_ was in denial.” She rolled her eyes, fear and hope coursing through her.

“Oi, what’s that supposed to mean?”

She buried her face in her hands for a moment and groaned at how _thick_ he was. “You’re s’posed to be a genius! How are you this thick?”

“What-“

She kissed him.

She kissed him with everything she had, but the Doctor sat frozen beneath her, and convinced she’d made a terrible mistake, she made to pull away. That seemed to spur him to action, however, because he suddenly seized her and kissed her in earnest, pouring so much passion and longing into the kiss she thought she might actually swoon like some old time film-star.

When she came up for air (damn his respiratory by-pass) , he pulled back a bit, a sudden doubt in his eyes. “Rose, are you sure? I-”

She kissed him again, until she was dizzy for lack of air, and after a brief respite, she kissed him again. She poured everything she had into the kiss, the love she’d carried for months on end, her fear of rejection, of not being good enough for the man she loved.

“How could you not know?” She panted, when they finally pulled apart. “I thought…I thought you knew an’ you were ignorin’ it because you didn’t want me.”

“Didn’t _want_ you?” He stared at her.

“Yeah.” She shrugged. “I thought, you know, what with you bein’ a Time Lord an’ all, and me being…me, I just….I thought maybe I wasn’t enough.”

“Enough?” His eyes burned. “Don’t you understand, Rose? I’d given up, when I met you, I was ready to let it all end, and you brought me back! You showed me there was something worth livin’ for, after what I did.” He exhaled heavily. “If anything, it’s me who’s not enough- a broken old Time Lord with blood on his hands.” He shook his head, his expression torn. “You deserve better than that.”

Her heart ached for him even as she wanted to slap him for trying to pull away _now_ , after everything.

She took this hand, lacing her fingers with his and trying to keep her hands from shaking all the while.

“You said you don’t think less of me, now you know the bad stuff…”

“Never.” His reply was fierce.

“And you didn’t think that maybe, I feel the same about you?”

He closed his eyes. “Rose,” he said, pained.

“No,” she cut in. “I…I know what you did, yeah? You told me, an’ I can’t imagine what that’s like, but I do know you didn’t have a choice, that you protected the universe the only way you could.” She swallowed. “I don’t…It doesn’t change how I look at you, Doctor.”

“How can you say that, Rose?” He tone was tormented. “Don’t you know what I am?”

“Yeah, I know,” she said softly. “You’re the bloke who made the decision no one should ever have to make, who saved the universe. You’re the one who saves it every time.” She swallowed. “You’re my Doctor.”

HIs eyes blazed with both hope and fear. “What are you sayin’, Rose?”

She took a deep breath, trying to calm her terror, her eyes inexplicably filling with tears. “You’re not goin’ to make this easy on me, are you? I…I _love_ you you stupid alien git!”

“Not very complimentary, that,” he said, gently wiping away the few tears that had escaped.

“‘You don’t deserve any compliments!” She huffed anxiously, her head aching like mad. “So are you goin’ to put me out of my misery and tell me if…if it’s OK? Or have I buggered us up and you’re gonna drop me at mum’s next chance you get?”

“Oh, Rose.” He gently cupped her face in both hands and gazed intently at her for a moment. “Told you, I’d never make you leave. Can’t do without you, me. But as for the other…it’s not that easy.”

“I don’t care,” she broke in, trembling. “About histories or pasts or lifespans or…or any of it. Please, can’t we just….be? Can’t we be happy?” He couldn’t turn her down now. He couldn’t! Not when it seemed they both wanted it.

“Be happy.” He seemed to struggle with himself forever before finally giving in and pressing a soft, brief kiss to her lips. “You humans are…fantastic at that- seizing the moment.”

“So?” She almost begged desperately. “And?”

“And….” He took a deep breath and leaning in, whispered in her ear.

 _“Oh,”_ she breathed, sinking back in utter disbelief and total joy.

The infirmary was very quiet for a long time after that.

(Even Jack had the decency to leave. Eventually).

+++++++

“Genius Time Lord my arse,” she told him, hours later. “I’ve been in love with you for months and you didn’t have a bloody clue?”

“Oi, and what about you?” He demanded, dropping kisses along her neck. “Been pining away for you, me, and you’ve been totally oblivious.”

“Well, how was I s’posed to know?” She grumbled, snuggling into his chest. “Everything was “superior Time Lord this’ and ‘you primitive humans’ that. You never let on!”

“Please, he was so jealous that even the aliens had him pegged!” Came a voice from the doorway.

“Bugger off Harkness,” the Doctor shot back.

With a huff, Jack stalked out of the room to give them some privacy.

Again.

(He wasn’t very good at giving them privacy.)

Rose giggled. “Look at him! I think he’s more excited than we are.”

“Long as he keeps his excitement out of what’s none of his business,” the Doctor muttered, softly nuzzling her neck.

“Love _is_ my business!” Came a shout from the corridor.

The Doctor rolled his eyes. “Pretentious git.”

“Hey!”

“Look, run along and find somethin’ else to do,” the Doctor muttered. “Bit busy here at the moment.”

Rose cocked an eyebrow. “You know he’s not going anywhere, yeah? He’s probably just waiting round the corner.”

“Nosy bugger,” the Time Lord grumbled.

“I heard that!”

“Good!”

Rose sighed. “Oi, my head, yeah? Enough with the shoutin’. Jack, go and find somethin’ else to do for a bit, alright?”

After a bit of grumbling, they heard his footsteps moving down the corridor, and Rose looked expectantly at the Doctor. “So now what?”

“Now?” He pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “Now you rest a bit more. And then…” He drew back and looked at her intently. “What d’you say we find us some trouble?”

Rose smiled, the look in her own eyes answering his unspoken question. “Better with two.”

_Fin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Come follow me at countessselena.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Come follow me at countessselena.tumblr.com


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